What is a wish round? How siblings can choose fairly
A wish round is the step where each sibling privately marks the items they want from a parent's belongings, before anyone sees anyone else's marks. It is the single most useful step in dividing an estate's personal items, because it turns a room full of competing claims into a short list of real disagreements.
How it works
- Finish the list first. Every item or group of items is listed and photographed before anyone marks anything.
- Each sibling marks alone. Use two levels: 1 for "I would like it" and 2 for "I really want it." A blank means no interest.
- Nobody sees the others' marks. One person, the keeper of the list, collects and enters them. That person gets no extra vote and no first pick for doing the work. If that bothers anyone, rotate the job or pick the sibling who lives farthest away.
- Read the result together. Items with one asker go to that person. Items with more than one asker are the contested list.
Why it works
In many families, most items have only one person asking. Those are settled instantly and without discussion. What felt like a fight over the whole house turns out to be a handful of contested pieces. The private marking also removes the pressure of saying "I want that" in front of a sibling who might want it too, which is where many arguments start.
Keep it honest
If everyone marks everything with a 2, the round tells you nothing. Some families cap the number of 2s, for example at about a tenth of the number of items, or at 10, whichever is smaller. Agree on any cap before the round, as part of the ground rules.
A remembered promise ("Mom said I could have it") goes in the notes and gets a 2 like any other strong wish. Unless the promise is in writing, such as a will, a note, or a label on the item, it counts as a strong wish rather than a deed. If it is in writing, bring it to the whole group.
What comes after
Once you know which items are contested, you choose how to settle them. Here are the options, and here is the snake draft explained. For the full sequence from ground rules to sign-off, see how to divide a parent's belongings between siblings.
Get the free Wish Round Sheet. A one-page printable for the first step: each sibling privately marks what they would like, before anyone sees anyone else's choices. Two short emails on running the rounds come with it.
If you want the whole process in one place, the Sibling Heirloom Division Kit is a paid set: an Excel workbook that tracks the list, the wishes, the draft and the sign-off, a step-by-step playbook, and fill-in letters for the awkward conversations. The free sheet above is enough to start.
Related guides
General organizing guidance and education, not legal, tax or financial advice. Not reviewed by an attorney or tax professional. A will, trust or court order may control who gets what. Contact: [email protected]